i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
These tits shall not be calmed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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