Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
