You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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