Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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