if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
