There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
