I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
