So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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