please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
