So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
