I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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