Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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