Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
