Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
