I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
