Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
