I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
