Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize