Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize