Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
