People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
