the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
