somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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