Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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