If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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