His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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