Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
