so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize