lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
