For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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