Apparently you make a good broom.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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