at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
