i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
