Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
