and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
