I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
