It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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