eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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