I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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