He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
