How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
