I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
