Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
two words: eviction party
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
