I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
