you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i drank out of a bidet.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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