I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i think my cat just said my name.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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