I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
