We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
