btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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