So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
