There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
