There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Randomize
