Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
