Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize