I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
