he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
