It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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