Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
