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I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
