Me too!
if only i could text you this smell
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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