I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
