Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
