There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
