More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
