How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
