I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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