i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
