yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize