Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
