This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
