Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize