I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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