Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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