PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
